by Anastasia Chrysostom | Oct 16, 2019 | Uncategorized
Perfectionism is often an idealized problem in our society, yet those who struggle with it know something others don’t:
You never feel successful.
. Your resume and CV are full of amazing accomplishments yet you don’t feel successful. The resume doesn’t reflect the disappointment of what you thought you would feel once you had this title or made that amount of money. The reality is perfectionism works against us.
You work hard to get away from your past, but you never truly leave it behind because it’s the driving force of your motivation. The more you try to be perfect, the worse you feel.
Perfectionism is like a drug
You have to achieve more and more to get that high, chasing the dragon; but it never ends with satisfaction. The harder you work the more worthless you feel successfully, when perfectionism is behind it. It’s not that you’re not working hard, it’s that your spinning your wheels in the wrong direction. It’s like going 100mph on a treadmill and getting mad at yourself for not going there.
How do I stop?
1) Aim for 88%
2) set a timer
3) talk it out to a therapist
Jennifer Hama, LPC, CPCS I have a core belief that a sense of humor is essential to living a fulfilling life. And I like to recognize mine. Regularly. I hate laundry and psychobabble, but I love uncensored real talk. It’s necessary for you to know this. Also, I have a white board that I go everywhere with. While it’s entertaining to watch me roll it around the office while trying not to trip, it’s also a powerful therapy tool, helping you visualize your struggles and brainstorm solutions. I don’t do “therapy speak, ” I shoot straight, and believe in giving you practical tools to help you change your life.oes here
Learn more about Jennifer and CBT, Here
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by Anastasia Chrysostom | Oct 1, 2019 | Maternal Mental Health
by Tanya Thomas, APC
You mean there is more than postpartum depression? Yes. Let’s take a closer look at Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMAD’s). I work with moms – a lot of moms. I see a lot of worry around just about everything – from feeding schedules, to pumping, to sleep, etc.
The worst anxiety is around saying “I’m struggling”.
It gets in the way of getting help. The sideways looks from other moms… The worry that if I’m struggling as a new mom, I could end up being the next news story. And so, the new mom keeps her struggles to herself.
The first step is understanding that not all struggles are the same.
There are 6 different levels a mom may struggle at. Except for Baby Blues (first 2 week postpartum) all can occur anytime during pregnancy and the first year after birth.
Here’s a summary:
- Scary thoughts – An example is: falling down a flight of stairs with the baby. There is a piece of this that is instinct. The mom’s instinct is telling her to be careful with her baby, but the hormones, the lack of sleep, etc. can ramp this warning up into something scary. 90% of moms, in fact, struggle with scary thoughts. These scary thoughts are normal.
- Perinatal Anxiety – this tends to be around feeling crazy, losing control, and the “what-ifs”. Trying to get rid of anxiety only increases the anxiety a mom is feeling so it’s important for her to learn the difference between productive worry and worry that just eats up mental and emotional space.
- Perinatal Depression – this is the best friend of perinatal anxiety. Moms often feel that they simply do not feel like themselves – their appetite changes, they feel overwhelmed, sadness, guilt and shame, and mood swings just to name a few. Understanding the role that hormones play, the relationships the mother is living, and her personal and psychological history will help a new mom understand where she is and how to create the change needed for improved mental health.
- Perinatal OCD – moms may feel very anxious about their ability to care for the baby. So much so that they have a fear of harming their infant. They may engage in activities such as ordering or arranging the baby’s belongings to “help” them. Or constantly checking on the baby while sleeping. This hyper-vigilance gets in the way of the mom having time to care for herself.
- Perinatal PTSD – moms may be experiencing flashbacks to previous events. These flashbacks interrupt her everyday life. The flashbacks are spontaneous and may appear as dreams at night. She often feels invisible. You do not have to struggle through this alone.
- Perinatal Psychosis – these women lose touch with reality. The option of having tea on the moon with the president is a reality. This is a medical emergency. The news stories that we hear about women doing horrible things – they likely have perinatal psychosis.
Please remember that:
Thoughts Do Not Equal Actions
Just because you are having scary thoughts does not make you a bad mom. Help is around the corner.
There are no sideways looks in my office.
There are no headlines in the news.
Only one real mama to another – this is hard – we can get through it together. You can thrive.
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Tanya Thomas, APC I am a mom myself – I have four. We stay busy between school, sports, and music! I love nurturing the wonderful human beings that my children are and, at times, am challenged by their being someone/something other than myself! I find motherhood to be both the peaceful journey down a river and an epic adventure filled with unforeseen events.
Learn more about Tanya and Maternal Mental Health here!
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