Fed Up & Fired Up

Fed Up & Fired Up

by Nyambura Kihato, M.Ed, MA, LPC, CCTP

I was at a restaurant waiting for my friends to show up for our dinner date when I met a delightful woman at the bar who struck up a conversation with me. I asked her whether she was also waiting for someone, and she told me, no, she was out alone celebrating her 58th birthday. After wishing her a happy birthday and exchanging pleasantries, she talked about the freedom she feels now that she is in her late fifties, and how she wished she had experienced this “life giving, don’t-give-a-damn freedom” earlier in life. She went on to tell me how it took being in her fifties, with her children grown and her husband dead, for her to feel okay about spending time alone, treating herself to dinners and movies, taking walks alone, sleeping alone. She was forced into learning to appreciate solitude, rather than choosing it willingly. We had a lovely conversation about the value of enjoying one’s own company at any age.

It got me thinking about enjoying solitude.

I appreciate how in some ways, we as a society are becoming more open-minded and accepting of solitude: meditation, silent retreats, and journaling are now commonplace solitary activities.

Travel groups advertise trips for the solo traveler. Young folks are delaying marriage or choosing to remain single. You no longer have to be a monastic or widow/widower to justify your solitude. I love that instead of the heavy, judgmental term “spinster”, we now use the more fun and free “bachelorette” to describe single women, or, my favorite: “singleton” (shout out to Bridget Jones).

Yet in other ways, we are still wary of solitude and being single; even the words “unmarried” and “childless” have negative connotations (especially for women), implying that something is missing or you are somehow incomplete if you are single or have no kids. Certainly loneliness is painful and can be emotionally and physically devastating. As humans, we are wired for social connections with others, and we benefit when we nurture our relationships. Extreme loneliness can contribute to chronic illnesses, depression, despair, alienation, even suicide, which is the ultimate loneliness.

But being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. It takes practice, but we can learn to enjoy our own company without constantly needing to be with others (or with our electronic devices).

Enjoying your own company

But what if being alone is unbearable? I’m reminded of the joke:

My mind is like a bad neighborhood – I never go there alone.

If you are unable to tolerate physical or emotional solitude, need constant distractions, and tend to fill your life with so many events, dates, friends, work, screen time, etc. that you are left feeling drained and empty, then it may be useful to ask yourself whether you are using these things as defenses to avoid some underlying problem. Sometimes we may need a life coach or therapist to help us explore the inner motives for our outer behavior, and the negative self-talk or anxiety that makes us fill our headspace and lives with too many activities, people, and things.

With practice, we can relearn the enjoyment of solitude. We were good at it as kids. We may remember this from our own childhood or from watching a child play alone for hours, delighting in every moment, unconcerned or unaware of the gaze of others.

So don’t wait until friends and loved ones are gone or are unavailable.

Go alone to that movie you’ve been dying to watch, treat yourself to a solo dinner at a nice restaurant (with the phone turned off! – phones are not dinner companions), sit at the mall and people watch, take yourself to an art show, museum, or play, or just stay home with the sole purpose of having fun hanging out with yourself. Knock yourself out.

Nyambura Kihato, M.Ed, MA, LPC, CCTP I earned my Bachelor of Education in German Language and Literature from Kenyatta University in Kenya. I studied German further at the Goethe-Institut Nairobi, and in Luebeck, Germany. I went to graduate school at the University of Hull, UK, where I obtained a Master of Education in Counseling and Child Development and Learning. I taught for several years in Kenya before coming to the United States to study at the California School of Professional Psychology, San Diego, graduating with an M.A. in Counseling Psychology. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Georgia, trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and am a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP). I currently serve on the board of the Jung Society of Atlanta and am training to become a Jungian analyst.

Learn more about Nyambura and how she can help you today, here!

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Dropping Anchor: A Relaxation Technique to Reduce Anxiety

Dropping Anchor: A Relaxation Technique to Reduce Anxiety

by Julie Coker, MS, EdS, LPC

We’re all worried about certain areas of our lives during this pandemic and wonder what’s next. And the triggers for our anxiety can be many and varied. These include seeing the updated number of cases on the news, concerns about finances, and stress in relationships, as we’re largely more stuck around each other in our shelter in place circumstances.

Today we are going to go through a short breathing exercise. This exercise can really help when you’re feeling anxious or overwhelmed.

I call it “Dropping Anchor.” When our anxiety spikes, we can become so caught up in the physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions that we lose contact with the present moment – even to the point of feeling disoriented and unable to find solid ground.

At that time, we need something that reconnects us to our current experience: both where we are in space and to our bodies.

 

Below is a step by step guide to shifting the focus to your breathing, calming those anxiety levels, and feeling just more grounded in general:

  1. Sit comfortably, back straight, with feet firmly planted on the floor just slightly in front of your knees, hands resting palms down on the lap, eyes closed.
  2. Inhale for five (5) seconds; hold for five (5) seconds; and exhale for five (5) seconds. Repeat the procedure seven times for a total of eight rounds. As the breathing slows, you may choose to extend the length of time you hold the breath and the length of time you exhale.
  3. At the end of the eighth cycle, exhale explosively and sit quietly for a moment, allowing the breath to return to normal but remaining focused on the in breath and the out breath. If you get distracted by thoughts or your surroundings, this is totally normal. You can gently return the focus back to your breathing.
  4. Now begin to pay attention to where your feet are touching the floor. Notice the feeling of your feet in their shoes or socks, or your bare feet touching carpet. Particularly notice all points of contact and the solidness of the ground below you.
  5. As you take your next in breath, imagine that air traveling from the lungs down to the bottom of the feet. This then extends below the surface, going deeper down, further connecting you to the earth. Sometimes it can helpful to visualize this like strong, thick roots spreading out through the soil.
  6. Take as much time as you need in this exercise. If you notice the anxiety returning, you can go back to the 5-5-5 breathing pattern to relax the body and mind.
From an early age, I had a deep curiosity about the world around me and, more specifically, people: I was both an avid reader and frequent observer of everything that came my way. I was fascinated by the variety of human experience, the challenges that people are able to overcome, and that process of metamorphosis. I feel particularly drawn to working with men and women struggling with anxiety and depression and experiencing challenges due to difficult life transitions. I also enjoy helping new therapists in their professional development through group and individual supervision. I have found it is important to use a wide variety of techniques that tap into the creativity and individuality of each client. Therapy is a collaborative process and I feel honored to help you find your own path for growth.

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In praise of solitude

In praise of solitude

by Nyambura Kihato, M.Ed, MA, LPC, CCTP

While waiting for my friends to show up for our dinner date, I met a delightful woman at the bar who struck up a conversation with me. I asked her whether she was also waiting for someone, and she told me, no, she was out alone celebrating her 58th birthday. After wishing her a happy birthday and exchanging pleasantries, she talked about the freedom she feels now that she is in her late fifties, and how she wished she had experienced this “life giving, don’t-give-a-damn freedom” earlier in life. She went on to tell me how it took being in her fifties, with her children grown and her husband dead, for her to feel okay about spending time alone, treating herself to dinners and movies, taking walks alone, sleeping alone. She was forced into learning to appreciate solitude, rather than choosing it willingly. We had a lovely conversation about the value of enjoying one’s own company at any age.

It got me thinking about enjoying solitude.

I appreciate how in some ways, we as a society are becoming more open-minded and accepting of solitude: meditation, silent retreats, and journaling are now commonplace solitary activities.

Travel groups advertise trips for the solo traveler. Young folks are delaying marriage or choosing to remain single. You no longer have to be a monastic or widow/widower to justify your solitude. I love that instead of the heavy, judgmental term “spinster”, we now use the more fun and free “bachelorette” to describe single women, or, my favorite: “singleton” (shout out to Bridget Jones).

Yet in other ways, we are still wary of solitude and being single; even the words “unmarried” and “childless” have negative connotations (especially for women), implying that something is missing or you are somehow incomplete if you are single or have no kids. Certainly loneliness is painful and can be emotionally and physically devastating. As humans, we are wired for social connections with others, and we benefit when we nurture our relationships. Extreme loneliness can contribute to chronic illnesses, depression, despair, alienation, even suicide, which is the ultimate loneliness.

But being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely. It takes practice, but we can learn to enjoy our own company without constantly needing to be with others (or with our electronic devices).

Enjoying your own company

But what if being alone is unbearable? I’m reminded of the joke:

My mind is like a bad neighborhood – I never go there alone.

If you are unable to tolerate physical or emotional solitude, need constant distractions, and tend to fill your life with so many events, dates, friends, work, screen time, etc. that you are left feeling drained and empty, then it may be useful to ask yourself whether you are using these things as defenses to avoid some underlying problem. Sometimes we may need a life coach or therapist to help us explore the inner motives for our outer behavior, and the negative self-talk or anxiety that makes us fill our headspace and lives with too many activities, people, and things.

With practice, we can relearn the enjoyment of solitude. We were good at it as kids. We may remember this from our own childhood or from watching a child play alone for hours, delighting in every moment, unconcerned or unaware of the gaze of others.

So don’t wait until friends and loved ones are gone or are unavailable.

Go alone to that movie you’ve been dying to watch, treat yourself to a solo dinner at a nice restaurant (with the phone turned off! – phones are not dinner companions), sit at the mall and people watch, take yourself to an art show, museum, or play, or just stay home with the sole purpose of having fun hanging out with yourself. Knock yourself out.

Nyambura Kihato, M.Ed, MA, LPC, CCTP I earned my Bachelor of Education in German Language and Literature from Kenyatta University in Kenya. I studied German further at the Goethe-Institut Nairobi, and in Luebeck, Germany. I went to graduate school at the University of Hull, UK, where I obtained a Master of Education in Counseling and Child Development and Learning. I taught for several years in Kenya before coming to the United States to study at the California School of Professional Psychology, San Diego, graduating with an M.A. in Counseling Psychology. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Georgia, trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and am a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP). I currently serve on the board of the Jung Society of Atlanta and am training to become a Jungian analyst.

Learn more about Nyambura and how she can help you today, here!

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Birth and Trauma

Birth and Trauma

by Tanya Thomas, APC


Recently, I saw this posted on Facebook.

A conference not too long ago stated that 34% of moms report that their childbirth experience was traumatic – and the OB next to me got really upset. She thought that was a ridiculously high percentage. The exchange set me thinking – what defines trauma? From a medical perspective trauma is an injury, a wound.

For many new moms the birth goes amazingly well – thanks to the medical care we have in this country. Some are injured – some have c-sections – some tear beyond the norm – some need help getting the baby to come out – all of these are physical injury or trauma. Trauma does physical damage that requires time to heal. That is what the OB understood.

But that is not what these moms are talking about with their traumatic births.

Themes around birth trauma center on four primary topics: the mother did not feel taken care of; the mother felt she was not communicated with; the mother did not feel safe; and the mother felt neglected in favor of the baby (Beck, p. 28). Birthing mothers often find themselves going from everyone encouraging them to take care of themselves (and remember the list of do and don’t eat foods from the OB?) to a live birth is the only goal.

The question arises – is the mom being taken care of too?

Being in such a vulnerable position – wearing nothing but a hospital gown – that does not stay closed, wires, monitors, I.V.s attached all over, feeling like a beached whale in pregnancy – leaves the mom feeling she cannot defend or take care of herself. From her perspective the experience of trauma becomes relevant.

Trauma, from a mental health perspective, while including physical or emotional injury can also include the perceived threat of injury. At a moment when a woman is most vulnerable – feeling out of control – of herself, of her body, and of the baby soon to be born – she is most susceptible to feeling threatened by the environment she is in, the people around her, the experience. While when she is dressed, not in labor, not attached to multiple machines she may find the situation suitable and non-traumatic.

Personal strengths and resilience in the moment are the defining force of whether an event feels traumatic.

Nine percent of women develop PTSD after their birth experience (Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Please know that your experience was real – no matter what others perceived the birth to be – they were dressed; they made the plan of action when yours was off course; they did not feel restrained by wires or a large belly. You are not alone in your feelings. There is help and hope to recover from this trauma.

The first step is calling trauma trauma.

Beck, C. T. (2004). Birth trauma: In the eye of the beholder. [Abstract]. Nursing Research,53(1), 28-35. doi:10.1097/00006199-200401000-00005

Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.postpartum.net/learn-more/postpartum-post-traumatic-stress-disorder/

Tanya Thomas, APC I am a mom myself – I have four. We stay busy between school, sports, and music! I love nurturing the wonderful human beings that my children are and, at times, am challenged by their being someone/something other than myself! I find motherhood to be both the peaceful journey down a river and an epic adventure filled with unforeseen events
Learn more about Tanya and how she can help you, Here!

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Why Counseling?

Why Counseling?

by Kate Knott, MS, APC, NCC

I was recently experiencing pain in my lower back and hip area due to strenuous exercise. It was preventing me from being able to workout at all, which is my chosen form of stress relief and self-care. I noticed that the lack of ability made me frustrated and unable to sleep – a lovely combination. I am blessed to work part time at an addiction out-patient facility, The Summit Wellness Group, where we utilize a holistic approach to healing.

As part of our programming we have a chiropractor in once a week to adjust all the clients (and staff!). I hobbled in to see him and gingerly crawled on the table. I will admit I was hesitant as I thought it might make the situation worse. I was afraid of more pain, I distrusted the thought of relief.

As he proceeded with his work, he said to me these words,

“Where there is motion, there is the absence of pain”.

Within minutes of specific and precise movements I was astounded. The pain was gone and I could move. I thanked him and went back to my work with our clients, his words still in my head.

“Where there is motion, there is the absence of pain”. How true. How appropriate to all types of therapy and most especially within the field of mental health. When we are challenged and plagued by depression, anxiety and trauma we are “stuck”. We feel as though there is no movement and we fear hope in forward movement. We doubt that it can be better.

We fear the unknown and stay in the cruel cycle of pain.

What I am certain of is this:

Having a safe and supportive counselor is a true blessing and benefit. Choosing a counselor is of the utmost importance and it is your right to be able to do so. I am blessed to be in the position to assist my clients as they take the brave step to share time with me.

What I provide is a safe and non-judgemental environment wherein we can create movement. A release of pain and a realization that hope and health is indeed possible. It just is. The hardest part is finding the courage to make that first call and in trusting that I will be willing to join you as you find that you are worthy and that you are capable.

A trusted and trained counselor can help you identify why and how you feel stuck. When I work with my clients this is our first step. We then work together to utilize specific methods of therapeutic assistance that will put you on the right path towards mental and overall health.

The knowledge of different approaches combines an understanding of how our brains develop and interpret our growth, experiences, emotions and thoughts. The best approach will always be grounded in this knowledge and then applied in a safe and supported environment.

Where there is movement, there is the absence of pain.

 

 

 

Kate Knott, MS, APC, NCC We can work together to identify what you are struggling with and how to effect change in your life. I believe this because I have seen it happen. I went back to school later in life because I knew that I was passionate about helping others and I wanted to do so. I respect you and your experiences. I respect your story and your right to feel better! I believe in my knowledge and training within the profession of counseling and know it can be helpful.
Learn more about Kate and how she can help you, Here

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"Typical" Child Development

"Typical" Child Development

by Madison Longchamp, MS, APC

Child development is complex and can be difficult for parents to navigate. Often parents find themselves basing what is “typical” on their child’s siblings, their neighbor’s kids, or a quick google search. Understanding what is typical at your child’s age and what may warrant seeking some extra help can make all the difference. Development continually builds upon itself. If your child gets stuck, they may fall further behind.

To understand development, we must remember that it is cyclical not linear.

Children go through periods of complete mayhem during which parents wonder where their sweet child has gone and if they’re ever coming back and periods during which parents see tremendous growth and are often so relieved that they made it through a rough patch. Then this cycle repeats.

The reasons behind this cycle can be many, but overall, as children grow they are constantly having to figure out entirely new abilities. Their bodies get larger and they must re-learn how to use them or their brains become more aware and they have to re-learn how to understand the world around them. Thinking about it this way, we can see how challenging development could be and why children might have some difficulty adjusting to new growth at first. The goal of understanding your child and where they are developmentally is to not overreact to things that are normal and healthy for their development and to notice when your child might need a little extra help.

Let me outline a few typical behaviors that may surprise you.

Age 6:

Some behaviors at age 6 can be concerning for parents but are actually quite normal and children usually develop out of them by age 7. Bed wetting or accidents at this age are very common. Children age 6 often begin lying. This can be very stressful for adults but is not anything to be overly concerned about unless the behavior persists beyond what is developmentally appropriate. Children typically begin exhibiting more defiant behaviors at this age. They are beginning to seek more independence and struggle to find a better way to do this at first.

Age 9:

Children at age 9 typically begin exhibiting greater anxiety about school performance and have more frequent worries in general. Self-criticism and avoidance of situations in which they think they may fail begin surfacing. Children at this age are becoming much more aware of their peers, expectations, and social structures. When figuring this out at first, it’s not unusual for children to feel some anxiety and self-doubt.

Age 11:

Children age 11 often exhibit unpredictable mood swings and more social problems as they seek to find belonging within their social groups and find activities that make them feel confident and competent. Children at this age have a much higher sensitivity to feeling embarrassed in front of peers or in public when being corrected. They also tend to argue with adults more often. They’re brains are developing and have a much greater capacity for logical thinking and they are trying to figure out how that fits with authority figures.

When to Seek Help

Some general rules of thumb about when to seek help are if your child’s behavior or abilities seem significantly different from their peers, you feel like you need some parenting support about what’s going on with your child, or you feel you and your child’s relationship is strained or disconnected. Some other reasons you may want to seek support are your child has experienced a traumatic event or a significant transition, any of these challenges are prolonged or you think your child may be having difficulty dealing with them, your child seems socially discouraged, they seem overwhelmed, or anything is interfering with their daily functioning.

Fortunately, your child can be successful in overcoming all of these developmental challenges and development also comes with moments of growth will make you and your child feel so proud.

Join me for a webinar>>>>>>where I will talk more about development, what’s typical and what’s not, and give some tips about how to respond when your child’s behavior is stressful, but normal and what you can do when you think your child might need a little support.

Madison Longchamp, MS, APC I am a Licensed Associate Professional Counselor. I received my Bachelor’s of Science degree in Psychology from The University of Alabama and my Master’s of Science degree in Psychology and Clinical Counseling from Brenau University. I have research experience in child development and education and experience providing and interpreting psychological and cognitive assessments.

Learn more about Madison and how she can help your child here!

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