by Tali Boots, LPC

Most women at one time or another have experienced some level of pain with a sexual activity.

Most of the time, this is due to lack of lubrication or a lack of arousal before penetration. Making sure to give yourself enough time to emotionally and physically get aroused and ready for a sexual activity is paramount. It can be helpful to also start with something small to begin getting the vagina ready to be entered.

Don’t forget to use your tongue, fingers and toys before using something large like a penis or dildo.

Now, while most women do experience some pain at some point during their sexual lives, a smaller group of women experience pain every time they attempt intercourse. This could be due to a medical diagnosis called Dyspareunia; which simply means pain during intercourse. Some reasons for this may be the following: vaginismus, vulvodynia, endometriosis, vaginitis, pelvic inflammatory disease or lichen.

Vaginismus is when the muscles at the entrance to the vagina tighten down and make penetration difficult, painful and sometimes impossible.
Vulvodynia is when there is pain associated with the outside of the vulva. This may be a burning or sharp, prick-like pain.
Endometriosis is the inflammation of the uterine walls and/or bladder that causes pain.
Vaginitis is an infection in the vagina, which can cause inflammation and micro-tears in the canal and of coarse, pain.
PID is contracted from a sexually transited infection and causes inflammation and pelvic pain.
Lichen is an inflammatory disease that can cause a rash or itchy patches, which can happen in and around the vagina/vulva.

So, any of these medical ailments also have a psychological component to them. They may not have started out that way, but when someone experiences pain when they are expecting pleasure, one might start to freak out about this, causing some stress. Imagine this happens time and time again, you might begin to avoid sexually activities all together. Maybe even kissing and cuddling begins to stress you out because you worry it will all lead to intercourse.

Here’s a basic treatment plan to help heal all the above conditions:


Head to your gynecologist for a definitive diagnosis. Unfortunately not all gynecologists are created equal in this area. Call and make sure that they are knowledgeable about pelvic pain disorders and the possible treatments for them.


Find a sex therapist in your area. Google sex therapy and your town, read their website. See if they mention having experience working with any of these conditions. Call them and ask how they work with these conditions. The most important aspect of therapy is the relationship you develop with your therapist, not necessarily all of their education and fancy websites. Ask around to your gynecologist, girl friends, family doctor for a referral.


Look for a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. They are worth their weight in gold! They are specialized in pelvic floor EVERYTHING. They can fine tune your treatment plan.

So, with all three of those people in your corner, you can undo the damage to your sex life by these disorders.

Feel free to call us today to see if we have the right sex therapist for you. We are passionate about helping people live their best lives and that includes your best sex life.Take care and take care of your body/mind connection.

Tali Boots, LPC I specialize in Sex Therapy and Transgender Therapy. This is ALL I do. I am not a general therapist who has some knowledge in all areas, I focus on these two areas only, in order to give you the most personalized and educated care possible.
Learn more about Tali and Sex Therapy Here

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